Luca

Part I

Luca's mind drifted elsewhere as he sat there staring at the smooth white walls of his room...

• He had once lived in a small mobile home with his mother. It wasn't a bad trailer, but to him, at the age of 6, it was a bit embarrassing. 
  
  The sides were discolored and it was located on a small piece of land that was bordered by the meeting of not one, but two rivers, and a highway, making it almost an island. 
  To the right, there was one river and a large, rundown building, which for a time, was abandoned and left to rot. 
  
  Dead center was the trailer and makeshift rabbit cages. 
  If you went left, you came to the other river, which had strange black sand on a sort of 'mini beach', complete with tiny seashells.
  |
  Since he had no friends, siblings or neighbors, many days were spent laying and playing on that beach, Luca remembered. The nearby rocks also gave some excitement, as he oftentimes climbed up the rocks to the highway, or tried to find some kind of precious mineral within the common rocks. 
  
  Luca was always dreaming, always optimistic. He always searched the ground for fossils, bones, gold, diamonds, crystals, anything that would be worthwhile. 
  When he wasn't doing this, he was playing with his He-Man toys, usually using the rocks as a natural landscape for his action figure's adventures. 
  The adventures Luca created were usually of the heroic kind, but sometimes became brutal and violent, with the characters killing other toys for the fun of it. But he was just a kid. He didn't know any better...
  
  Luca remembered many things from that ramshackle home. His mother left for work just as he got up for school, so that left several hours of time to experiment. 
  He remembered the times he found his mother's pornography videos and watched them with great interest. 
  For a time, watching these consumed a good part of his before-school time...He remembered the time he went to feed his rabbits and the mother was covered in blood after having eaten all her young. 
  
  He remembered a time when he misbehaved at school and was staring at his closet, as was his punishment, and how that poster on his closet door, Little Nemo, The Dreammaster: The Movie, is still burned into his mind to this day. Every time he got into trouble, he'd be starting at that door and poster. He started to make games out of it, like how many letters are not on this poster. 
  
  But even that became boring. Luca remembered a specific time, standing at that closet, that news was on out in the living room."...We repeat, Nirvana frontman, Kurt Cobain, is dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound." He really didn't know who that was at the time, but more importantly, Luca remembered thinking, Why would someone shoot themselves on purpose?
  
  He remembered hearing about the time that the murdered bodies of two hikers washed up nearby, and the next day, finding two empty canteens tossed on the ground. 
  He gave the canteens to his mother, who then gave them to the police. 
  They said that they were, indeed, from the dead hikers, which then meant the killer could still be nearby. For weeks and even after, Luca lived in fear during those times before school, after school, playing outside, anytime he was alone...Luca remembered the stray kittens that often found their way under the trailer. 
  He remembered playing with them and being happy as they rested on his head. He found joy in these creatures, because, unlike the children at school, they were completely unbiased and loved him unconditionally... Of course, even they eventually grew up and disappeared. 
  
  He remembered all the drawings he used to do. All the time. He would sometimes draw happy things, such as trees, mountains and the like, but usually, he drew fantasy creatures: dragons, dinosaurs, monsters, Godzilla, or drew scenes from slasher movies like Friday the 13th, complete with blood and gore. He remembered...

"Luca..."

"Luca!"

Snap back to reality.

"Luca, it's time for your medicines," the nice nurse looked at him and smiled. She had large breasts that almost didn't fit her outfit. She was so sweet. She was the model of 'fantasy nurse'. "Ready, Luca? Here's your meds. 

Take them, now." Luca swallowed them down with the small plastic cup she handed him. "Let me see, Luca. Lift up your tongue... Okay, now let me see your wrists... Good, you haven't been picking. Good boy. Okay, I'll see you later, Luca. Goodnight.". 

Luca slumped down against the wall.

She closed and locked the door, leaving only a sliver of light to shine on the padded walls and on the razor he had smuggled from the staff closet, which he held tightly in his hand ...

PART II

Luca looked down at the razorblade.. thinking... his wrist looked so inviting. It was calling him.. calling him, like the shattered pieces of his past. He clutched the blade in his hand and layed back on the floor, staring at the ceiling....

• It had been a heavy winter, a blizzard by most accounts, and with the heavy snow, comes the heavy thaw, and where Luca and his mother were located, between two rivers, on what was nearly an island, wasn't exactly the most friendly of places to be during flooding. 
  
  But they had been there since 1990, and hadn't been flooded out in 6 years. So, they'd be fine. Or so they thought. Midnight, the sounds of rushing water awoke Luca. His mother told him to get his things together, they were leaving and quickly. 
  
  The water almost completely surrounded the trailer, strangely leaving a path from the front door to the car. Luca got most of his things, and went to get his rabbits. "Leave them, we'll be back." Needless to say, they got back just in time to see the water completely covering their home. 
  
  Flash forward. Living in motel rooms for about 6 months. Bought a house in the town near where they used to live, Saviorstown. The house was nice, but the largeness of it, brought a sense of loneliness and emptiness that was only heightened by the constant barrage of insults at school. Luca didn't really care about what was cool. Or rather, maybe he just didn't know, living away from any other kids since he was 6, left him to form his own opinions and style, unaffected by the other children. 
  
  But of course, the harsh opinions of school kids can kill. Luca was never 'cool', no one ever really liked him, and he wasn't sure why. Mostly it was probably because he was incredibly shy. He didn't even like talking to the teacher, and absolutely died when he was called to write something on the board. Sixth grade. School is slowly becoming more like hell everyday and this is the beginning of Luca's downward spiral. Around the age of 12, a lot of kids were having girlfriends, and the 'cliques' were slowly beginning to form. 
  
  Of course, all the girls made sure to point out that Luca was ugly. Anytime he was told to get in a group, the teacher would always have to make a group let him join, because no one ever wanted him in the group. At that time, you had the "cool kids", the "nerds", and the "dirtys".The "dirtys" were the complete outcasts, but Luca didn't even seem to fit into that group. So usually, during recess or lunch, he would sit alone and draw. His drawing skills began to develop around this time, and from time to time, someone would talk to him, in relation to his drawings, but that was it. 
  
  Luca's grandmother was dying in the hospital, but he tried to continue on with his daily routines, almost appearing as he didn't care about it at all. His grades began to slowly deteriorate in sixth grade. Up until then, he had gotten almost all straight A's, honor student, he was in the gifted-program for the 'smart kids', but he had begun to lose interest, motivation and any drive he may had once had. 
  
  It was this year that he met his only friend thus far, Bobby. Bobby was on the borders of both the 'outcasts' group and the 'nerds' but he and Luca could talk about video games all day. Luca was always happy to see him because it meant he had someone to talk to. But then, of course, tragedy strikes. Bobby is hit and killed by a van, as he crossed the road to get his mail from the mailbox across the road. Again, Luca puts on an uncaring facade. A few weeks later, his grandmother dies in the hospital. Luca, uncaringly, continues to play his video games, upon hearing the news. He was becoming good at hiding his feelings.
• 
  
• A new kid, Jackson, just moved into town, and wasn't liked by anyone, which made him a perfect friend for Luca. They had fun all summer, Jackson introduced Luca to new experiences, like breaking and entering, and other unlawful activities. As summer ended, tragedy struck again. Jackson was riding his bike, and was hit and thrown over a car, killing him on impact. All this was becoming too much for Luca, but he continued to stay within himself. 
  
  Luca's grandfather decided to come to their house to stay for a bit. That night, he and Luca, whom had never really got along, stayed up late and had a long talk about life, about what Luca wanted to be, about Luca's mother, about his grandmother, about everything. The next day after his mom went to work, Luca decided he'd stay off school to spend time with his grandfather.
  When he got up, his grandfather was still sleeping, so he left him sleep, but when the firehouse siren went off and he still didn't wake up, Luca began to worry. He shook him. 
  He was cold and lifeless. Luca freaked out. He called his mother and 911. Of course, he was already gone. That was it for Luca. His fake face began to crack. He started cutting himself, every day. Alone in his room, it was the only thing that would help ease the pain and suffering and hurt that he felt inside....

He snapped back to reality and opened his hand and ran the razorblade across his arm, smiling at the blood as it ran to the surface. He closed his eyes as he cut more and more.

PART III

Luca stared intently as the blood ran down his arms. It was transfixing, it was beautiful.. it was glorious.. it was--

"LUCA!"

The light from the hall glared in his face as he snapped out of his trance-like state. Three of them were upon him, one on his arms, one on his legs and on in the middle lifting him into the restraint board, which was basically a stretcher with leather straps to keep the person from moving. Luca didn't fight, he didn't struggle. They strapped him in and gave him an injection of some orange liquid. One of the whitecoats checked the straps again, and then he was left alone again in the room... in the darkness...with nothing to do but stare straight up at the featureless ceiling... He tried to think.. tried to think, but the sedative was kicking in quickly. He was out in a matter of moments...

•                  BBlluurrrryy... 
                                B l u r r y...
  
  Blurry. Better...The flashing red lights illuminate the baby's face as they carry him into the ambulance. He can't breathe, he is barely alive. The baby's mother stands in the doorway of her brick-walled house with a look of horror on her face. "He'll be okay, ma'am. Just calm down." She just nods, still staring at the ambulance door, where her baby was just inside, near death. "Luca!", she cries. Luca was dead.
  
                  BBlluurrrryy... 
                                B l u r r y...
  
  Blurry. Better...Luca, at 7 years old, lies there, sleeping. Enjoying the warm bed, when he snaps awake. He puts on his shoes and walks down toward the old motorboat of his grandfather's. It was under this boat, that all the family dogs were buried. Luca begins to dig, with his bare hands, tearing at the ground, tossing it carelessly. What was he digging for? He did not know. He dug and dug until he found the rotting corpse of the freshly buried dog. Or was it freshly buried? He reached in to touch it, but it's eyes shot open and flared red. Suddenly there were 3 other dogs around him. Luca started to run, but the dogs were too fast, and easily overcame him...Luca was dead.
• 
  
•               BBlluurrrryy... 
                                B l u r r y...
  
  Blurry. Better...The trailer was on fire, there was no hope, Luca and his mother ran out to the car, quickly, throwing the rabbits inside and floored it away. As theywent down the road, the door flew off, slamming into the windshield behind them.They were going so fast that the car started to catch fire. The rabbits jumped outthe door and the car incinerated...Luca was dead.
  
                BBlluurrrryy... 
                                B l u r r y...
  
  Blurry. Better...Luca was in the car with his grandparents on a normal trip from the grocery store. Something was touching Luca's feet. Luca looked down and saw a moving, severed hand, grabbing at his feet. He screamed and tried to pull it off, but it only clung harder, eventually making it's was up to Luca's throat. Luca tried to scream, but his grandparents were oblivious... It squeezed harder and harder, as Luca gasped for air.. He was dying. He threw himself out of the car, onto the road, only to be hit by an oncoming truck. Luca was dead. BBlluurrrryy... B l u r r y...
  
  Blurry. Better...

Luca woke up, groggily as the sedative wore off, struggling with the straps til he realized where he was, and why he was in the straps. He had been having some strange dreams lately, and they almost always involved dying... 

Luca was so afraid to die. He was terrified of the mere thought of death, the thought of the "what if's", that are involved with it. 
The thoughts of, what if nothing happens after you die? 
What if that's it. That's the end of the story. 
No afterlife. No heaven. No hell. No reincarnation. 
What if that's it? You're done. He was horrified at the thought of it. 
He closed his eyes and attempted to return to sleep.. 

without the help of drugs, this time...